Rum punch on the beach

7 world records in swimming, 3 in running... and a world record for amount of hours spent thinking I'm as good as all these athletes, running around poor unsuspecting hotels pretending I'm Michael Phelps (I'm not by the way, my secret identity is not a cover up for being a world famous record breaking athlete, why would I cover that up? Think it through readers! Tsk!)

I was amazed by the sporting prowess of Usain Bolt. 3 races, 3 world records. He comes from Jamaica you know. And did you also know that my employers (the great people at HotelConnect) have just launched top destinations in the Caribbean, including Jamaica? I went on a top secret mission last week to the Caribbean (I know, it's a hard life) to check out these destinations.

My first stop was Jamaica where I sampled life at the 5 star Half Moon Resort in Montego Bay, which proudly calls itself the tourist capital of Jamaica. It's been popular with celebs and us hoi polloi for many years, and with good reason. The beaches are spectacular. I fed a hummingbird at the Rocklands Bird Sanctuary, and did my best Bond impression at the casino. Staying at the Half Moon Resort is a real treat - it has 51 pools, yes fifty-one swimming pools. This is utter luxury. The resort has even had the royal seal of approval. HRH Queen Lizzy II has stayed here. I felt very much at home and so will you! With HotelConnect you can get 7 nights for the price of 6 from just £582pp. If you have an anniversary/wedding/honeymoon/a holiday that needs the wow factor, look no further. Seriously, put your feet up and relax, everything will be 'irie' here.

The other fabulous destinations in the Caribbean include Barbados (altogether now, "Oh.. I'm going to Barbados...!". I liked Barbados a lot. Great food, great people, and a natural beauty to the place. The Bajans are fun! And yet so polite. There were hugs all round when I eventually managed to extract myself from a beach BBQ! Try the 3 star Barbados Beach Club - 7 nights for the price of 6 from £324pp all inclusive.

Feeling slightly worse for wear after rather a lot of rum, I decided to try St. Lucia. Somewhere I've always wanted to go and explore. It really is like stepping into the Pirates of the Caribbean. Lush rainforest and unspoilt beaches. I did my best Jack Sparrow impression with my hangover! The 2 star Bay Gardens Hotel is a gem! Comfy pastel rooms with a balcony or terrace. The traditional buildings surround the lovely pool. From £35pppn.

The Bahamas were flat - an odd introduction I know, but it stuck in my head! - and colourful and everyday seems to be a celebration of life. Lots of little islands make up the Bahamas, and each one has something to offer. I was on Grand Bahama Island, where I stayed at the all-inclusive 3 star Wyndham Fortuna Beach Hotel. It had a great beach and because pretty much everything is included I barely had to move! From £52pppn all inclusive.

I decided the next stop was going to be more energetic as I'd indulged a little too much at the Wyndham. I whizzed off to Antigua, and the Jolly Beach Resort. Jolly by name, jolly by nature! Here I took full advantage of the 8,000sq ft fantasy pool, for swimming lengths. And because the non-motorised watersports are all free, I managed to tone up ready on the Antiguan beach to get back to HC Towers and show off my tan. From £69pppn all inclusive.

Olympics? Nice!

I love the Olympics.

I of course had my aspirations shattered of becoming an Olympian through a bizarre and unfortunate accident with my bike, a toaster and a world atlas. I don't want to go into it too much - but let's just say that the shattering was not just of my dreams!

I've been watching a lot of it from Nice, as I've been sent here from work to um... well - I'm not really sure why. One person told me it was to look at some of our hotels, someone else said that it was to 'get the French perspective on the hotel industry', whilst my manager said it was to 'get you out of the office, you do my head in when the Olympics are on with your banners, bunting, cheering, shouting and obssessing the whole time you're here'.

Ha ha! He cracks me up - such a sense of humour!

I have taken the opportunity to check out some of the hotels in Nice. I have been told that it will be a £1 penalty for every time I describe anything as nice. In Nice. Which I still think is funny, but it always brings out plenty of eye-rolls in the office.

The Plaza hotel in Nice really dragged me away from the Olympics coverage with it's beautiful terrace with views of the sea.

The terrace has a lovely restaurant and bar, and I've whiled away many an hour daydreaming of being on that top step, and ducking my head for that gold medal.


The Park hotel in Nice is surrounded by lovely greenery, and even has a cute indoor fountain.

It's just two minutes walk from the beach too, which is perfect if you fancy not just a bit of swimming, but also a romantic stroll along the promenade.

It's also handily close if you forget anything... like your towel, or um, swimming trunks... whilst you're in the middle of getting changed.

I'm back off home tomorrow, but I think I'll come back (in my own time!) maybe a bit later in the year.

Nice is nice (nearly!) great when it's hot, but I've been told by the others in the Sports Bars that in the cooler months it's not so crowded, and feels a lot more 'French' (their words for - not so many tourists!).


When I come back, I'll definitely stay in the Nice Riviera Hotel. It's central - close to everything and it has an indoor pool and beautiful spa.

Everyone reckons that it's the best value 4 star in the city. All of the bathrooms are done out in marble too.

Nice. (doh!)

Laters,

Secret Agent

New York....watch out!

Well what a week I've had entertaining all my friends who've been visiting me - we've been all over London, exploring, eating, drinking, exploring some more, watching outdoor films, visiting museums, irish dancing, and visiting Twickenham - so much so that I am in need of a holiday!

So Great Auntie Beryl, who came over last week, was overhearing me recommending all these hotels to my friends and has decided she's onto something. She's told all her friends about my skills and I keep getting calls from the likes of Mavis, Gertrude and Iris from her bridge class, all asking me to recommend hotels for them depending on their preferences (mainly chess, golf and bird watching). I like to think I can find something for everyone so I'm being put to the test but think I'm doing OK so far.

She went back to sunny Edinburgh a few days ago (my place is only just recovering from her stay - I keep finding tea cups in all sorts of obscure places - in the bath, behind the tv, in the cat's bed....). Her gossip spreading is renowned throughout Scotland for the speed at which it travels and as a result I had an interesting call from cousin Hamish just this morning. Some say he looks like me.... I prefer to think not.


He's heard about these new US entry requirements that mean that all those travelling under the Visa Waiver Programme (most British Citizen passport holders) are required to provide details online 72 hours prior to travel. This is known as an Electronic Travel System or ESTA. The system is now up and running on a voluntary basis but will become mandatory as of 12 Jan 2009. See here for more info: http://www.cbp.gov/xp/cgov/newsroom/fact_sheets/travel/esta_factsheet.xml

Anyway, I digress... Hamish, hearing I'm a "travel guru" (as the gossip goes) has asked me what this means about his trip to New York & can I help him book a hotel there which he has failed to do yet despite the fact he's leaving next week. So......I told him - log onto the ESTA website and follow the instructions to fill in this new ESTA form before he goes - https://esta.cbp.dhs.gov/ and as for hotels - on those I can be of help.

So I began enthusiastically suggesting a few of my favourites: There's the New Yorker hotel - a 3* - centrally located in midtown Manhattan and has a mini gym and a bar open until 1am (he's keen on the odd whisky before bed) - from £91pppn. Or the Helmsley Park Lane 4* - very grand, luxurious , has a huge ballroom and a peaceful open air garden cafe - from £95pppn.

At this point Hamish said "och aye - what would I need with a ballroom? Unlikely I'll be taking a kilt and showing off me reeling skills!. Give me some more...."

Now a little scared, I offer the Park Central Hotel New York - midtown Manhattan again - very near the bottom of Central Park for those early morning runs he enjoys (so he can eat as much as he likes all day and not feel guilty). That's from £98pppn.

If he fancies seeing a show or two, I suggest - there's no better than the Ameritania hotel New York - a 3* - just off broadway. Very trendy & cool - in an art deco style and there's a stylish twist lounge bar within the hotel where he can hang out & see if girls dig his weird accent.

I can tell that his eyes light up (phew!) and I think that's a winner - but just in case he's not convinced I hit him with the Jolly Hotel Madison Towers New York 4* - a beautiful Italian style hotel with plenty of handcrafted furnishings imported from Italy. Plus it has an Asian spa AND a bar called the Whaler bar which puts on popular Jazz nights.

"well you've only gone and bl**dy done it cousin" he says. "Only problem now is I'm not sure whether it's more important to choose girls or jazz....thanks for the tips" and he hangs up.

Well I'm here to help. Good luck New York is all I can say....